Everything I Ask For

The New Road

2012-01-05T22:01:00.001-08:00

So I'm finally a college graduate, I have an internship lined up with the Walt Disney Company, I have money in my pockets again and I have great friends who I know have my back. But why do I feel like there's not really anything new?

The reality is this: there isn't anything new. Graduation just means I have a piece of paper now that says I passed my classes. This internship is just another stepping stone on my way to hopefully success. My friends are the people who have been there for me throughout the good times and the bad times in college. Nothing has really changed, except my outlook on the world.

Before I was naive and over-zealous, now I'm more realistic but just as ambitious. I don't make impulsive decisions as much as I used to, I have learned how to better manage my finances and most of all, I've learned how to handle myself around other people (sorta, I'm still a bit awkward).

I guess what I'm getting at is this: The only difference you will notice once you graduate is that your mindset going into college is completely different than it is coming out. That, and the extra little bit of money in your pocket.

Starting Fresh

2011-10-05T00:16:00.000-07:00

So it's definitely been a while since I last posted something, and that is in part due to me being excruciatingly busy with my upcoming graduation this semester, my recent internship on the other side of the country, and some other stuff that's gone on. But I can't blame it all on being busy, fact of the matter is that I've been kinda lazy too. Moving on though...

I've come to the realization that I've been pretty damn negative for a good portion of my life. I'm a skeptic, I'm a cynic, and I'm a pessimist. This is hopefully going to change soon.

I've made the decision to head in a different direction in my life. I understand that some of the shit I've gone through absolutely sucks, but now realize that it pales in comparison to some of the other stuff that happens in the world. I'm actually really lucky to be sitting where I'm sitting right now. I want to believe in humanity now, even though the things I see on a daily basis try and sway me otherwise. I want so desperately to start seeing the good in people, and I want to believe that it's something genuine, not just an act. I just really wish that people were honest enough to not abuse my trust.

I've decided not to dwell on stupid shit anymore. Holding grudges is like letting people live in my head rent free. Well, I'm posting those eviction notices because I'm reteaching myself how to forgive. No more of this childish bullshit, I'm going to let bygones be bygones and just leave the water to flow under the bridge. The past is the past; I can learn from it, but I can't change it. I can, however, change the future by using what I've learned.

And lastly, I've been trying to be more appreciative of the things in my life. I know I've talked about being appreciative in previous posts, but I haven't really taken it to heart as seriously as I am now. I don't know what will happen in the future, so I need to appreciate the moment I'm living in now instead of worrying about what comes next. I need to appreciate my ability to speak my mind, my ability to make my own decisions, or even just my ability to feed myself.

Change isn't something we should always fear. Change is something we should accept with open arms. I'm embracing all of these new ideals and values, and I'm hoping you all can embrace them too. This world needs more humanity, so let's take that first step.

Always Greener

2011-05-09T01:30:00.000-07:00

People say that the grass is always greener on the other side... Oh how easily we forget how fortunate we are to even have a lawn to stand on.

Never forget that no matter how dark your day may seem, or how terrible things are going... there's always someone out there less fortunate than you are.

Fish & Turtles

2011-02-17T13:52:00.001-08:00

Kinda funny how these simple things are so amusing. They follow your mouse, and when you click it drops food for them.

Words

2010-11-28T23:30:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I feel like those who claim to be my friends, or those who I think are my friends, don't really care to listen to what I have to say, or even talk to me for that matter. What's sad is that all I ask for is for someone who genuinely wants to listen. I didn't realize that it would be this hard to find.

Just say it...

2010-11-28T00:47:00.001-08:00

I said to myself when I left high school: "I can't wait to leave and go somewhere better, somewhere without the bullshit, somewhere where people will actually give a fuck who I am."
And I can't believe I'm saying it again now.

I made decisions a couple years ago that would forever change the direction that my life was moving in. It wasn't the easiest decision I had ever made, but it was something I strongly believed in, so I made the choice to stay the course. I thought I had dealt with enough bullshit drama at that point in time, and that was one of the main reasons I decided to do the things I did. But here I am, a year and a half later, dealing with the same fucking drama that I thought I left behind. The reason for the drama? Different from before. But the reason why there is even drama in the first place? The exact same.

Honestly, I don't mind having the hard conversations. In fact, I would much rather have the hard conversations so I can put whatever shit there is behind me and move on with my life. It's much better to have a clean conscience than it is to let shit fester, and turn from a minor annoyance to something that completely changes your attitude. It's just ridiculous to let something like that sit with you so long and not act on it. I mean, isn't it more logical to just get it off your chest? I would like to think the answer is yes, but then again it's hard to have those conversations when I don't even know what the fuck the problem is, let alone that there is a problem in the first place.

So I challenge each and every one of you that reads whatever I write: speak what is on your mind, and tell me if you have a problem with me. I would absolutely love to put whatever shit you have with me behind us, whether for the best or the worst, so that we both may have a clear conscience.

The Reason

2010-08-31T00:28:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been finding myself with this horrid sense of entitlement to my happiness, and it's something that really perturbs me. Yeah, in life we should all be allowed to be happy, but lately it seems as if I have been going about things differently than I have in the past. It's as if I'm beginning to think, "Well, I did all of this shit so I deserve this." It's not something I'm particularly proud of. I don't know where this undeserved sense of accomplishment and entitlement comes from, and I really wish it was gone.

Nonetheless, I still plan on being more proactive in doing the things that make me happy, but make a conscious effort to humble myself. And I want to take a moment to thank everyone that has taken the time to hang out with me, whether it be for a minute or a day, and providing me with a feeling of support that keeps me going. As Disney as it sounds, the people that I surround myself with really are the only reason why I keep pushing myself to keep going, and are truly inspirational to me. Thank you all, and hopefully I'll see you around again.

Serenely Surreal

2010-07-14T03:10:00.001-07:00

So tonight is just one of those nights where the atmosphere demands that I write something. I'm currently sitting here at the beach surrounded by my coworkers and friends who are singing their hearts out, yet for some reason I couldn't feel more alone. This whole situation right now feels so surreal, and as the light fades over the horizon the fire we build grows more prominent. The chill sets in and everyone moves closer to the fire for warmth, becoming unified by the heat of the flames. But at the same time, we are still nothing more than strangers seeking shelter; a revalation that can be applied to much of society as strangers seek partnerships for mutual gain. For some odd reason tonight, though, it seems that this "mutual partnership" holds more meaning than those of the business world. Somewhat indescribable, in fact, as that feeling of loneliness fades away with the light over the horizon. So surreal, and so lucky to be caught in the moment.

Almost a Year

2010-06-30T18:24:00.001-07:00

It's hard for me to believe that it's almost been a year, especially in light of how much things have changed. I've realized that I've became a much different person, and whether it has been for the better or the worse it is who I have grown up to become. But over the course of this past almost year I have been struck by several realizations that, regardless of how much I like or dislike them, remain true to this day. Maybe all of this is due to the proximity of my college graduation. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I have had so much weight placed upon my shoulders lately that I've been forced to stoop and see the writing on the ground in front of me. Or maybe it's just because I took a minute to realize what my priorities are. But my realizations are as follows:
1. We all grow up whether we want to or not. The saying goes, "Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional", yet in a society that moves at 100mph it's hard not to get caught in the currents.

2. Sometimes you have to look out for yourself rather than others and take a break from things; after all, even God took a day off.

3. For every 2 steps forward you take, make a note of what you had to go through to get there. Being able to look back at one's past is one of the most important ways to prevent the repetition of mistakes.

4. Know your bounds and continue to push them. Stagnancy and laziness are the plague of our society, so it is up to us to invoke the change we wish to see.

And on a more personal note,
5. I still miss you. It hasn't quiet been a year, but it has been long enough to make me realize what I gave up on. I'm glad that we're still able to talk, though recently it has just made me miss you more. Then again, I don't even know if you still read this.

Yesterday to Tomorrow

2010-06-27T18:04:00.000-07:00

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."
-Maria Robinson

So much can happen in so little time it's unbelievable. It's like being trapped in a tornado of timelessness where the only possible way out is to endure the crap being whirled around in the storm. And it can take a toll on you after a while, even if it hasn't been 24 hours. Sometimes, it's more than just the physical aspect that has a significant impact upon you; poor mental health can affect you as much if not more than a bodily injury.

It is as such that we, as humans, need time to step back and revisit what is important to us, who is important to us, and why we are here. Now I'm not saying we must delve so deep into the philosophical realm as to deduce what the meaning of our existence is, but instead come up with justification as to why we do the things we do and the reasons why we have become who we are today. Know yourself before you know others, and set off in whichever direction you choose with steadfast dedication and an understanding as to why you have chosen that path. Know where you want to go, and strive to get there; after all, we cannot change the footprints left behind us, but we can open new pathways. Go find your fairytale ending, and just maybe I'll see you there.

Virtuous Horizons

2010-05-16T15:05:00.000-07:00

It certainly has been one hell of a semester. Between school, work, and fraternity, there has been way too much stress and way too much drama. Much of the stress has been self-imposed because of my desire to become so involved this past couple of months, but the drama has been brought about by people with mouths that are way too big, fueled by very insecure personalities. Say what you will, but the truth is that it's hard to see people break away and live their life, and the inability to cope with this results in badmouthing those who no longer wish to conform to their previous lifestyle. Don't be surprised when karma deals you your just desserts.

All of this stuff certainly has began to take it's toll on me, both mentally and physically. My mind is tired, and sorely needs some time to just be able to not think about anything, something that I wish I could look forward to over the summer but realistically cannot do. Between working orientation and then returning home in between sessions to help with my family, I must prepare for a long summer. Physically, I've been ill more times this past semester than I think I have ever been, mostly because of the toll of stress and long hours without sleep. My immune system isn't the only thing feeling the impact, though; it isn't rare anymore that I find my joints hurting and muscles aching from days of overexerting myself. I really wish I could just step away for a bit and get some rest.

But it's been worth every moment of it. For I've not only discovered much about myself, but also about those who I surround myself with. Friendship is a principle I hold dear, and over the course of this semester many a times has my friendship with people been tested; the results could not have been more clear to me. I've lost some who I thought to be true, I've gained some who I can call brothers. And with the semester rapidly drawing to a close, I can feel satisfied in what I have accomplished, and the bright future that lays ahead of me.

One Love,
Phi Alpha.

Yet another reflection on life.

2010-01-19T00:20:00.000-08:00

I've had quite a bit of time on my hands lately and it's given me the opportunity to stop and think about things that I should have looked into earlier. Yes I have been blessed with some of the more refined pieces of society and am very grateful for them, but fail to see the simple pleasures in front of me. Actually, it's not so much a failure to see but the ability to find them in such scarce opportunities. And may I take a moment to remind all 3 (or however many I have) readers that things which you desire are not those which will make you happy.

Why you ask? Because the things in life that make you smile the biggest will never be something you plan out to the cross of the t and the dot of the i. It's spontaneous, unexpected, unknown and unmistakable. Unknown? Yes; though the conscious mind fools us into believing what will bring happiness only the unconscious knows what we truly desire. Unmistakable? When something that brings a smile from ear to ear happens, it's not hard to fathom that it is something truly amazing.

I'm not saying that what the conscious desires won't make you a happy person; no matter how hard you try happiness can never be achieved but instead is stumbled upon. So you can put away your binoculars, throw on a blindfold and just let life happen to you.

That Feeling

2009-11-29T22:47:00.000-08:00

"Ya know its like ahh like the most greatest feeling you could ever feel
you like just total illation. Sunny day, just that day.
You know its just like you know just the most joyous feeling
you could ever comprehend. You know, chilling with your family.
You know just you know just really really feeling,
feeling the moment, with the folks. Ya know really really really just chilling.
It's love. It's love. It's love"
-From Blackalicious' "Make You Feel That Way"

As of late I've been kinda going through a lot. And though I may still seem like that crazy goof that I usually am, I have a lot on my plate that I've been trying to digest. Yeah it's kind of odd that I, of all people, have been able to remain relatively normal in the face of all of the shit I have to trod through. And I also realize that it really doesn't appear to make sense that I am talking about such depressing things with such an upbeat excerpt.

But if you think about it, it does. Horrible as it may seem, this society requires something negative to make you fully appreciate the positive things that you have around you. Instead of waking up each morning with a natural predisposition to be grateful for being alive, people focus on the hardships ahead and how to overcome them. And I guess it should come as no surprise when I say that this society is so caught up in a pessimistic state of mind that we fail to realize that our greatest triumphs aren't the material possessions we own, or the awards we win, but instead those little moments in life that bring a smile to our face. Just relaxing with friends and family, finding that quarter on the ground, or maybe just realizing that it's okay to eat junk food in the morning, all of these things seem so insignificant but have the potential to turn around a bad day if you allow it to.

If you can find happiness in the smallest of places, you will be much better off in this society filled with negativity.

Love Is The Movement

2009-11-01T20:10:00.000-08:00

To Write Love On Her Arms
Friday, November 13th, 2009
Please attend.
More Info at: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=180283055427

Growing Tired of Growing Up

2009-10-25T16:24:00.000-07:00

Just sitting around today while listening to music, I came to a somewhat disturbing and depressing conclusion... There's a time in each one of our lives where we must accept that most of our childhood is behind us. Being outside on a college campus and watching the people showed me how people changed from the carefree demeanor of childhood. Instead of seeing the joyous smile of innocence once on our adolescent faces, I see the weathered, solemn looks that can only come with a dose of reality and a loss of naivete. And this only leads me to wonder, what the hell happened to us to make us this way? Why do we lose the smile of purity when we grow older?

It bothers me that people don't comprehend that we don't have to lose that youthful vigor as we grow older. Granted, we do take on other responsibilities, but it doesn't mean that we have to abandon our adolescent hopes and dreams to accommodate them. Maybe as humans we need to take a step back and revisit our childhoods to accompany that dose of reality.

Hidden Blessings

2009-10-04T23:23:00.001-07:00

Sometimes in life it takes a reality shock in order to realize the little things that you have and take for granted. In my case, it came today when I blew out both of my knees playing paintball. So you may be wondering, why is becoming disabled something that causes such a revelation? Well, it is something that makes you realize who really cares and who feigns concern. It's like tryouts for a sports team, except these results hold so much more value than who makes starter and who rides the pine pony.

I had fallen into a funk again recently, somewhat depressed and kicking myself to the curb for no real reason. Things really didn't seem to be headed anywhere, and it seemed for a while that my life was headed nowhere. That's when a handful of people came to my aid, whether they know it or not, and helped me turn things around. Even if the things they did were small, like say something nice, these gestures are truly what helped reopen my eyes. It also became apparent to me again that I am not alone in this world, and that no matter what I go through there is always someone there to pick me back up again when I fall. Just thinking about this kind of restores my faith in humanity.

So in a way, I suppose you could say that this is a thank you post. Thank you for everything you've done for me, whether I know you or not. You all have helped put a smile back on my once emotionless face.

Survive

2009-09-12T23:34:00.000-07:00

So I actually wrote this a while back, and even read it as a slam at a banquet dinner... my apologies for not posting it sooner. This is entitled "Survive", hence the post name.

I wake up in the morning,
And I open my eyes,
Take a deep breath,
And get ready to survive.
Opening the blinds
Looking outside,
Daybreak over the horizon,
The sun has finally arrived.
Mingling with the faces,
Just coping with the grind,
Makes me wonder how
I keep from losing my mind.
Chatter from the left,
And chatter from the right,
It lasts all day,
And runs through the night.
Anticipation building,
Inside of my soul,
Perched atop a hill
Until it begins to roll.
Faster and faster,
Quickly gaining speed,
Makes me realize,
Sometimes I really need,
To throw on the breaks,
And take a step back,
Ease my mind,
Sit down and relax.
Take a deep breath in,
Enjoy the summer air,
Watch the birds fly by,
Soaring without a care.
People walking past,
Waving at one another,
Exchanging joyous smiles,
As a boy is hugged by his mother.
As I sit there looking at the scene,
Realizing my life is somewhat plain,
I think of all the things,
That I wish I could change.
I wish I was different,
Though wish as I may,
I know in the back of my mind,
It's just another ordinary day.

Lost

2009-09-08T22:57:00.000-07:00

"Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms." - Mark Twain

There is a time in all of our lives where we feel like we're strapped to a sinking boat because we are overwhelmed with what surrounds us. Maybe it's because of stress, maybe it's because of hardships, but in the end it is something that justifies existence despite its negative nature. It shows that we are real, and are capable of experiencing the various emotions that accompany the human condition.

Inexplicably, I have become the latest victim in this trend of negativity, becoming somewhat entranced by the horribleness that surrounds us all. My head is swirling with images of despair and an unrelenting sense of hopelessness, as my mind continues to lose its faith in humanity. Why must we fall prey to a monster created out of free will? It hardly makes sense, but it is the pitiful truth nonetheless.

This intangible beast is one that silently destroys from the inside, tearing away at our innards until all that remains is a hollow shell of a person. Leaving nothing but a wake of destruction, it numbs people from the most basic yet essential emotions of everyday live. Food loses its taste, colors lose their vividness, and even the ability to feel the carpeting beneath our feet is lost amidst the blankness of the sullen emotional state.

I absolutely abhor becoming another drone amidst the quiet chaos of loneliness, the most hypocritical condition of them all. The sensation of being alone is one shared amongst many people worldwide, yet this seeming commonality is not enough to unify the tireless wanderers of the empty wastes.

It is as such that I ask all who read, please help bring me back down to Earth, my head can no longer endure the silent melancholy of the clouds.

In Memory

2009-08-25T19:01:00.000-07:00

So I almost completely forgot to post this because I've been so busy and life has been so hectic, but here is something I wrote in memory of DL.

"Death only ends life, not a relationship".

Only time can tell us,
How things will turn out.
In a moment of crisis,
I know that without a doubt,
Whatever may happen,
However things may end,
There is someone watching over us,
Guiding us with a gentle hand,
Whether it turns out for the worst,
Leaving us in a state of unrest,
We should follow our hearts,
Beating strongly in our chests.
And even though the suffering,
Feels like it will never be done,
It makes me realize how precious life is,
And how much it hurts to lose just one.
One coworker, One friend,
One peer, One brother.
You are one in the same,
And there will never be another.
Though you may be in heaven,
Off cruising through the air,
You'll never be forgotten,
And someday... someday I'll see you there.

R.I.P. Devin Lopez
March 1st, 1990 - August 7th, 2009

Broken

2009-08-01T20:17:00.000-07:00

Author's Note: Please refrain from asking if this is about me, because it isn't.

Life kinda has a way of throwing shit at us at the most inopportune times. Maybe it's a busted up radiator, maybe it's a shattered light, or maybe it's a broken heart. It happens, and though we may not like it, it's something that everyone must accept at one point in their life. Not doing so would bring only a life of misery and unhappiness.

It's gotta make you wonder, though, why something so awful would decide to come crashing in on somebody's party and bring the whole thing down. It's not so much that it made the choice to rain on your parade, but instead was inadvertently guided there by an unfortunate series of events and mishaps. So maybe we should all just take a step back, take a deep breath in, and then rationally figure out how we can navigate ourselves out of each predicament. Rushing to conclusions and making rash decisions does nothing more than to worsen the problem at hand, further adding to the flaming pile of feces that life has left at our doorstep.

"Remember that happiness is a way of travel, not a destination." - Roy Goodman

Don't dwell in the moment, you have a whole life full of surprises ahead of you. Feel better.

Summertime Growth

2009-07-12T15:28:00.000-07:00

So I do suppose that it is overdue for me to post another blog...

Funny that I say that, it actually provides a decent introduction to the topic I wish to write about today. You're probably saying that I planned that out, and you're absolutely right. Nonetheless, I want to write about how time absolutely flies and how much things can change over even the slightest bit of time.

I've been working for my school for around a month and a half now, and when I first started it seemed like it would be an eternity until my two months of work would be over. But now that I am approximately three fourths of the way done, I find it quite hard to believe. So much has changed over this brief period of time that I feel like returning to my life after Orientation would be like a complete culture shock. Some of my friends from pre-Orientation seem like completely different people, not only in the way they appear but in the way that they act, talk, and generally portray themselves. I am finding it tough to come to terms with the facts that I very well may be returning to SJSU in the fall semester to a group of some familiar faces but also a group of complete strangers. It is just so hard to get a grasp on this.

As for the concept of the rapidly moving scope of time, I couldn't be more shocked about how fast things are going. Granted, I have heard the expression "Time flies when you're having fun," but this is just over the top. I never would have come to expect that a ~~month and a half~~ semester and a little extra would have passed me by as rapidly as it has. I somewhat feel as if I am standing still and time is just passing me by faster than a bullet train. I cannot get over the fact that time is moving as fast as it is.

And lastly, I too have changed as a person. I've grown more as a mature adult, and I have come to realize that I am capable of doing things that I would never had been able to do if it wasn't for the amazing experience I am living through at Orientation. I've made some new friends, I've had to tinker with some relationships with people, but generally I can walk away satisfied with the person that I have become. And if you haven't noticed from hanging out with me, I am no longer the shy guy that just lurks in the corner, but rather the outspoken person who could give a shit less about what you think of me and instead strives to make the best of every opportunity. I am no longer afraid to grow as a person, and break out of my introverted shell, because summertime should be a time of enjoyment, relaxation, and personal growth, and I absolutely plan to do all three of the aforementioned things.

And with that, I would like to conclude with a seemingly random quote:

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Postsecret.blogspot.com

Confusion

2009-06-23T02:39:00.001-07:00

This is somewhat surprising that I am blogging two nights in a row... regardless I actually have something to say.

Lately, I've found myself sitting around late at night doing nothing but zoning out and thinking about absolutely nothing. Doesn't sound too strange if I was tired and wanting to sleep, yet the funny part is that I wasn't fatigued in the slightest. And then there are the nights where I am dead tired and want to do nothing else but sleep, but find myself lying awake in bed contemplating. Not necessarily contemplating anything major, but just unable to sleep as my head becomes enveloped in thoughts.

I'm not afraid to admit to everyone that I am completely confused as to what is going around me right now. I've never really been placed in a situation like this before, and I honestly don't know how to react to it. Maybe I should be more proactive in finding a remedy to my predicament, or maybe I should just sit back and let life take me where it intends to take me. Either way, I will still be standing in the same shoes that I'm wearing now. And yes, I mean that in a figurative way.

So in a sense I feel as if I should just leave this decision to fate and just flip a coin. Whichever side it lands on shall be my destiny. But at the same time, leaving it to fate is the same thing as picking the aforementioned second option. As such, I suppose that I'll just leave my fate in the hands of whatever higher authority commands us as humans, and just see where I end up.

On that note, I would very much like to wrap up this post.

I guess I'll see you there. Or not. Either way, it was meant to be like this.

Pointing Towards Karma

2009-06-22T03:12:00.000-07:00

When we chilled together at night,
You whispered in my ear that it will all be alright.
But then I realized all is not as it seems,
I am living in a world of fantasy and dreams.
You told me one thing, then told me another,
Drowning in lies, I could not help but feel smothered.
When we finally decided it was over I thought you moved on,
What a treat it was to find out that I was wrong.
Still pointing the finger as if you were not to blame,
You have much to learn about how to play the game.
Because in the end when you spew lies too fast,
It will come right back and bite you in the ass.

Something I wrote myself, it is very last minute and very unpolished. Figured there would be a couple people out there interested in reading it.
Moral of the story? Point the finger as much as you want, in the end you still share the blame.
Actually, let me put it this way. I found this on a website, think it kinda sums things up pretty well.

"Shut Up, Grow Up, and Put Up."

****EDIT****
This was written in response to a talk with an old friend. Please do not assume things about my current situation or anything of the like.

Heroes and Idols

2009-06-08T01:00:00.001-07:00

Growing up as a child, we all have someone that we absolutely idolize. Whether it be a parent or an athlete, a friend or a movie star, we inherently want to do whatever it takes to make ourselves more like them. We set our hopes and dreams so high, praying every day that we can even be a sliver as cool as them, and maybe accomplish only half as much as them in our efforts to become more like our hero. Unfortunately, nobody ever stops to examine the other side of this. Didn't know there was another side? Well, there is, but it's an ugly one.

What happens when we learn some of the unspoken truths about our heroes? What happens when we find out that these people aren't really who they're chalked up to be? What are we supposed to do with our lives after we find out the people we have idolized for so long are fake?

Frankly, there's two options. You can give up on your dreams, take the easy way out, and just decide there's nothing worth working towards anymore. It's as easy as that, just let go and let your emotions get the best of you.

Or, you can choose to walk the more difficult, but more rewarding road. You can keep your dreams, foolish as they may seem to you after being crushed. You can follow the path already laid out by your former hero, and then take that one extra step that they were never able to. Change directions ever so slightly and aim to become even better than the person you once looked up on. Draw on that new revelation and surpass your expectations and become your own hero.

But the fact remains, that first path is always so tempting.

The Crossroads

2009-05-28T00:43:00.000-07:00

Decision - the act of or need for making up one's mind

Everyone is faced with decisions throughout the course of a normal lifetime. Some come naturally, some take long intense thinking sessions. Some are about things with minor impact on a life, some force people to make a complete 180 and head in the other direction. Regardless, decisions are an ingrained part of being a sentient being.

As of late, I have been sitting up late at night, sometimes until 4 or 5 in the morning, doing nothing but soul searching. Sometimes about particularly important matters and deep philosophical problems, and sometimes about absolutely nothing. I wonder about why I am the way I am, why I do the things that I do. I think about the decision's I've made in the past, and I brace myself for the decisions that I might be forced to make in the future.

In the past, I've been forced to make some hard decisions, namely whether or not I should purge myself from this existence. Luckily enough, I had a handful of friends who cared enough about me to step up and keep me from doing the unimaginable. I thank God everyday for those few that made their caring known to me (please bear in mind that I am not a religious person in the slightest).

I have also been forced to examine my relationships with a few of my friends, and whether or not I was a true friend or nothing more than a tool to be utilized for their personal gain. I've been forced to come to terms with the fact that I'm unappreciated, and that some of the people you meet are two-faced. I've been pushed into a corner, and had to choose between two friends or be forever trapped in limbo without the hopes of ever rejoining society. Being forced to choose between friends is something that nobody should ever have to deal with, under no circumstances. Unfortunately enough, though, the world seems to think otherwise and often places unlucky people into this horrific situation.

I Pray To God, Let Everything Be Alright.

But optimism is a doozy, isn't it?

The End of an Era... I Mean Semester

2009-05-14T23:13:00.001-07:00

So it has most definitely been a while since I've had a chance to just sit down and think, let alone come onto here and post something. Truthfully, though, I'm kinda glad that I haven't come on here in a while because it's given me a chance to think about things a little more thoroughly. My life, up until now, has been crazy to see the least, with lots of new people coming into my life and opportunities being presented that I would have never dreamed of.

I'm not gonna lie, I should be writing a paper right now but I have that College Reading And Paper Syndrome (CRAPS) and my brain has oh so graciously decided to not allow me to write my papers. How am I on here blogging then? Hell if I know, maybe it's because this isn't school related. Whatever, I'm moving on with the post now.

When something special happens in your life, you should make it a point to remember your surroundings so that when you take a moment to think about it you can fully immerse yourself in the memory. Maybe take a picture, maybe write something down, or maybe just soak up the ambiance; all I'm trying to say is that never forget.

Oh and by the way, I love Jamba Juice.

Do What You Do

2009-03-04T23:42:00.000-08:00

So it's most definitely overdue that I post something because it clearly has been ages since I wrote something productive. Redundancy in one sentence, woohoo! All horrible grammar aside, let me get down to business. The reason why I haven't been around to write stuff more often, aside from school and work, would have to be the fact that I have officially become a "workout-a-holic". Yes, I suppose you could say I am becoming a fitness freak because I lift weights around 3-4 times a week.

I'm also asuming that by this point of my post, if you're still reading that is, you're saying whoop-dee-fuckin-doo, why should I care about this. Well, the whole point of this blog is to promote the idea of "do what you do." For those of you that are not familiar with this concept, let me clear a couple things up for you. The idea of "do what you do" is somewhat along the lines of be yourself, very cheesy I know. But the fact of the matter is, you should do what you do on the sole basis of whether or not you're interested in whatever it is. Confusing right? It's actually pretty simple when you think about it. For example, I love lifting weights, and I'll continue to find time to mix that in there even though it will be tough at times. I'm making a conscience effort to do what I love to do simply because it makes me feel good about myself and provides an opportunity for me to just forget about the woes of the world and enjoy myself. Remember, the world would be a better place if it was full of happy people, so just take a minute or two (two hours in my case) to do whatever it is that you love doing.

Accepted

2009-02-10T11:06:00.001-08:00

So before any of you rush to point out that the title of my latest post happens to coincide with the name of a movie that essentially attempts to prove the same point as me, let me tell you that this was merely word selected because of the way I really feel. Now, onto the post...

This past weekend I went off on a retreat with my fellow Orientation Leaders (OLs) for summer 2009 and participated in many team building activities. A group of seemingly all strangers stuck together with minimal contact to the outside world at the Marin Headlands didn't sound like too much fun to me. Yet this weekend with this group of strangers turned out to be one of the most memorable occurrences of 2009. Many of the activities we took part in pushed us out of our comfort zone in order to expose the real us for all to see, something not many of us were comfortable with at first. But at the end of the retreat, we were all pretty much fine with opening up with each other, even if we didn't share the full story. I walked out of the retreat knowing that I now have a new family and support group that I can add to my system of support in case I feel that I ever need to talk to anyone.

I'm sure you're wondering what the point of this post is, and you're probably saying, "Hey, if all you're doing is bragging about your new buddies, then I don't want to read this anymore." Well, there is in fact a moral to this story. Being open to new experiences and welcoming of others is something that we as humans are not naturally good at, as society tends to push us in the direction of stereotyping and prejudging. But we should learn to be accepting of people in what we do and what we say because you would be surprised at which people you have amazing chemistry with, even though you may have already written them off as someone you would never click with. Learn to communicate with others not only through words, but through actions, and never be afraid to ask a friend for help because communication is the life blood of teamwork, and without it everything would just crumble. And with that, I would like to close this post with one last thought; No matter who you are, what your story is, or what your heritage is like, learn to be accepting of others and welcome them with an open hand, because an open hand is easier to work with than a closed fist.

Much love and many snaps to the OLs, my friends and peers. Let's make it a good year!

In Memory

2009-02-02T22:59:00.000-08:00

I'm not normally a religious person. Just thought this was pertinent.

Psalm 23

He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,

He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

Death is nothing but a shadow, and shadows cannot hurt us.
R.I.P. Uncle Jeff

Earlier in the month:
R.I.P. Auntie Earlene

****EDIT****

R.I.P. Mr. Miller (my HS chem teacher)

The Difference Between You and Me

2009-01-27T20:55:00.000-08:00

So today I had my first UNVS199 class, and it kind of made me think about some different things. For those of you who don't know what it is, it is an orientation leadership class designed to prepare students to lead orientation over the summer. During class, my group was assigned a topic of the development of a responsible and ethical person. And that lead me to think about how we each get to be at the point that we are at now; morals and values that we learn and develop over time.

Now don't get me wrong here, I'm not going to force my morals onto you, but instead I am going to give some insight on what I believe. Everyone in this world should be able to stand strong to their morals and values, but at the same time should be open and accepting of different viewpoints and ideas. I'm not saying you have to be absolute in your beliefs; they can change if something so influences you to change. The same goes for the different viewpoints; you do not have to accept them and incorporate them into your own beliefs, but instead just be willing to listen to them and give it a shot, shall you deem them worthy. Pretty much what I'm getting at is that we, as human beings, should be open-minded in our approach to ethics and values. Different people equals different opinions, so sure, some debate is warranted.

Regardless, this is my opinion, be open minded about it will you?

Love is a Wonderful Thing, Isn't It?

2009-01-25T00:14:00.000-08:00

Love. 1 word, seemingly endless meanings. This one word is more complex than astrophysics, advanced calculus, and knowing how to ride a unicycle while juggling chainsaws and drinking coffee at the same time (yes, this was completely random). It's a phenomenon that we really cannot explain in words, and can best be described by the little things we do. Some people are fortunate enough to find love relatively quickly, and some people spend their whole lives looking for it. Personally, I haven't found Ms. Right yet, but I'm looking, so at least the effort is there. But the fact remains, nobody can truly define what love is.

Marriage. Yes, it was inevitable that I would bring up marriage after talking about love. Some would call it eternal bliss, some would call it hell. I say it's an opportunity and a decision to spend your life with someone you truly care about, through all the shit that life can throw at you. Though it may be stressful at times, things usually tend to work out, whether it's for the best or the worst. But hey, you signed up for it, what do you expect? Regardless, marriage is something that two people enter together with the hopes that all is for the best.

Try to cherish every moment together so that your relationship can continue to deepen, and learn from your mistakes so that you can avoid the heartache that is divorce. Live long, love each other, and prosper. Congrats on your marriage cousin, hope you two have the best damn times of your lives.

Faith, Hope, and All That Karma Business

2009-01-20T18:13:00.000-08:00

Dedication: This post is for someone who's dealing with some tough times right now. My message to them: Remember, the dawn is always the brightest after our darkest hour.

When you say no, I say yes. When life says that it can't be done, I say fuck you and then try my best to do it anyways. So what if I don't succeed, I believed I did. I kept faith, and never lost hope that it could be done. Sometimes my dedication pays off, sometimes I just make myself look like a fool, but in the end all that matters is that I tried. Typical, cliché type anecdote that you would spoon-feed to children, right?

Answer: Yeah it is. But, it also is the truth. Life rewards us for our effort, and although it might not become apparent immediately, it will be there. Patience, young grasshopper, for you will eventually get what you deserve. Might not be today or tomorrow, but it will come. Trust me when I say this, karma is real, in most cases anyways (for an exemption see my Nice Guy post, I have yet to see results). So hang in there.

Now, you might be sitting there reading this thinking, "WOW! This BK guy is so full of shit, I've been waiting and I haven't gotten anything good!" Again, let me reiterate that all good things come in time, and that a rush job will never be as good as something that has been crafted and perfected over time. So for now just sit there, deal with it, and never lose hope because your patience will be rewarded.

Being The Nice Guy

2009-01-14T23:43:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, life throws you a curveball and you don't know how to cope with it. In the case of guys, we kinda sit there and look at the problem, decide fuck it, it's not worth my time, and move on with our lives. In the case of girls though, it is not uncommon for a girl to become enveloped in the situation and decide to become almost overly preoccupied with the issue at hand. Enter the nice guy.

Quite simply, being a nice guys is not as gratifying as one can imagine, and it is nowhere like what Hollywood portrays to it. Usually, we nice guys generally stop whatever we're doing to go and help out our friend, sometimes more than friends, and solve whatever troubles them to tears. It might require beating the shit out of someone, or it might just mean sitting there and letting them cry on our shoulder. Whatever gets the job done, we'll do it.

There comes a point in time, though, that we have to draw the line. Yet, as a nice guy it's almost too hard to draw the line, let alone pick up the stick to draw it in the sand. As content as we seem, we are actually not happy at all on the inside; in fact, we're almost torn between I don't wanna fuck up what we have right now and well... I kind of like you. It's an internal struggle that almost never goes away, and doesn't have any easy remedy... except for that right one that can see through the shroud of niceness and take us for what we really are: genuine, caring nice guys.

Ladies, get the hint. Forget the jerks, go with the nice guy. It's better for you in the long run.

Gratefulness

2009-01-13T18:35:00.000-08:00

So coming back from the beach yesterday with a screwed up leg was definitely not fun, although I did enjoy myself at the beach because of good company. And then tonight I just finished preparations for the David C. vs BK beef cook off. And that's when I kinda realized that I'm lucky to be able to do these kinds of things, especially in today's oh so fucked up economy.

Sometimes when I say thanks to people, they shrug it off or kinda ignore it because it seems sarcastic. In reality, when I say thanks I genuinely mean it, at least 99.8% of the time. So if I sound like I'm being a sarcastic asshole, I really don't mean to come off that way, so apologies there. As for my general lesson in this post, I kinda don't have anything specific in mind. Actually, I take that back; since I'm talking about being grateful, what say I make that the lesson of the day... er couple days. Being grateful is never out of style, and the value of a simple "thank you" is severely underrated. Those two words can make or break a day for some people, so make sure to use your manners when somebody gives you something or does something for you.

Oh yeah, and this is not supposed to be one of those use all of your manners type things that you tell to little kids. Just a little rule of thumb, nothing more.

Planning Ahead, or the Lack Thereof

2009-01-09T09:17:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: Inspired by an early morning conversation on December 30th, 2009

So basically every day is seeming to become more and more monotonous and like a series of planned events. Wake up, drop sister off at school, and then either go home and sit on the computer or go to work, with the occasional venture out to visit friends. Quite frankly, I'm getting bored with it, and need to shake things up.

Living by a set plan is wonderful at times because there is some comfort to be found in knowing what is supposed to come next. At the same time, though, the monotony seems to become almost overwhelming and frankly takes the fun out of living. Sometimes, I wish I could just stop whatever it is that I'm doing and just let things naturally transpire as the world wishes.

But what about the plan? Aren't you afraid that everything would go off track? Yeah, I'm a bit worried. But I have a personal belief in fate and destiny, and though at times I will claim that "one is indeed in command of their own destiny," I believe that there are some things in life you just can't control no matter how much you want to. It's going to happen whether you like it or not, so just accept it and move on. I guess the gist of what I'm trying to say in this post is that sometimes it's best to just go with the flow and see what happens.

Reflection on Life #2

2009-01-09T01:30:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: This was written on April 9th, 2008 by Yours Truely.

As we grow older, we are exposed to the outside world.
Whether it be the joys of life,
Like graduating high school,
Having that special moment with someone,
Or even taking in a relaxing moment.
Whether it be one of the pitfalls of life,
Like failing a test,
Losing a book or a video game,
Or even the passing of someone dear to us,
Life isn't going to stop for us.
Though we may feel as if we're suspended in time,
Seperated in our own reality for what may feel like an eternity,
The world WILL continue to turn,
Regardless of how we feel.
Though I have by no means lived a long life,
It is with this knowledge and wisdom that I have obtained,
That I am able to create my basic philosophy that I live and die by.
Rejoice in moments of victory, reflect in moments of loss,
And wake up to each sunrise as if it was your last.
Because life is fragile,
And you never know which sunrise will be your final one.

Reflection on Love Pt. 2

2009-01-09T01:28:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: This was written on June 25th, 2007 by Yours Truely.

To be honest, liking someone is the least productive thing in the world.
It doesn't feed you,
And it doesn't bring you any more money.
Going sleepless nights because you're thinking of them makes you less productive.
Having to deal with the pain of a broken heart,
And the jealousy of another person being with the one you like,
Both cause such suffering.
So why is it that we like other people?
Maybe it's because we realize that giving to them brings more happiness than receiving,
And maybe it's because it brings a little smile to our face.
Maybe because it allows us to feel like a kid again without having to use a time machine.
But most importantly,
It helps us feel like a complete person.

Reflection on Love

2009-01-09T01:27:00.001-08:00

Disclaimer: This post was written on June 20th, 2007 by Yours Truely.

It's really funny how life works sometimes.
You think that things are miserably wrong,
And that nothing seems to be going right.
But it's that one person that brings it all together,
And helps things fall into place like the pieces to a puzzle.
Life is what we make of it,
And the people we love are there to help guide us.
I would only be so lucky,
As to find the right person to guide me.
Maybe she's out there somewhere looking at the same star as me,
Or maybe doing something as simple as watching the same TV channel.
Maybe I already know her,
Or maybe she's out there waiting to be found.
All I know is that if fate says it is to be,
I will meet her one day.

Reflection on Life

2009-01-09T01:24:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: This post was written on June 19th, 2007 by yours truely.

Life is so much like a stream.
It slowly trickles, and moves ahead.
There are the white water rapids, or the hard times,
And there are the lulls and slow pace of everyday chores,
But it moves none the less.
Sometimes, as quickly as it began as the dew from the melting snow,
It can end so abruptly, like a waterfall.
As hard as it is to see life end so quickly,
It is something we must all deal with,
And something we all will face at one point in time or another.
We put up dams to try and slow the pace,
And even take the occasional swim to enjoy ourselves.
But no matter what may happen,
Life will continue to flow.
So drink in the moment,
For you will never know when the stream will run dry.

Trust

2009-01-09T01:08:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: This is a note I had previously written, just transposed onto this blog. It begins as a rant and turns into something hopefully more universal.

Merriam-Webster defines trust as the following.
Trust.
1) a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship.
2) something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another.

Lately as I've been looking back more on life, I've been forced to come to the conclusion that despite my efforts to surround myself with people who I believe to be trustworthy, I have a rat or two in the crowd. This, although my fault and my fault alone, is something that needs to be corrected.When I tell you something personal, I tell you out of the confidence that it is something that only you and I will know, and that is because I have deemed you worthy of my trust. Violating that trust is something that is unforgivable, and changes the dynamic of our relationship. And I'm going to be honest, it's not a change that you or I will like. Breaking the trust of a friend is the same thing as betrayal, and you should consider yourself to be the lowest of the low amongst those who have wronged others.

Don't believe me? For those of you who have read Dante's Inferno, which I'm sure most of you have read due to either High School or College English, you should know what the 9th and lowest level of hell is. In case you don't, though, please allow me to refresh your memory. The lowest level of hell is where Cerebus, the guardian dog of Hell, rests chewing upon 3 people. Cassius, Brutus, and Judas all lay within the grasps of the devil dog's mouths, and they lay there because each of those three has betrayed someone who trusted them. Cassius and Brutus both stabbed Julius Caesar in the back, figuratively and literally, while Judas surrendered Jesus to the Romans after Jesus had entrusted Judas and made him one of his disciples. Despicable characters at the very least.

So please be aware of what you do. Because I am not as stupid as you think I am, and I will find out. And this is a warning that goes out to everyone: Be careful who you put your trust in, you never know who is going to turn their back on you when you need them most.

So A Little About Myself

2009-01-09T00:52:00.000-08:00

Before I begin with my seemingly at random posts and rants about life, love, and all that is suppost to be magical and happy, let me introduce myself. I go by the name BK, and no it does not stand for Burger King, Big Kahuna, or any other form of clever acronym that you can think of. I'm currently a college student, as to which college is not important; let's just say I'm a student of the school of life. Also, don't take what I say word for word, or assume that I believe I am some sort of all knowing person, but instead know that I am a hopeless romantic and a cynical person that has a tendency to judge things at face value, and at times can be quite the hypocrite. Alas, It is ultimately your choice as to whether or not you want to read what I write and believe what I say, so if you've come here to bash whatever I put on these pages I'll just smile, show you the door, and return your gratitude with a big FUCK YOU. Other than that, you are more than welcome to make yourself at home and hopefully enjoy whatever crap I can manage to post on this page.