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Everyone is faced with decisions throughout the course of a normal lifetime. Some come naturally, some take long intense thinking sessions. Some are about things with minor impact on a life, some force people to make a complete 180 and head in the other direction. Regardless, decisions are an ingrained part of being a sentient being.
As of late, I have been sitting up late at night, sometimes until 4 or 5 in the morning, doing nothing but soul searching. Sometimes about particularly important matters and deep philosophical problems, and sometimes about absolutely nothing. I wonder about why I am the way I am, why I do the things that I do. I think about the decision's I've made in the past, and I brace myself for the decisions that I might be forced to make in the future.
In the past, I've been forced to make some hard decisions, namely whether or not I should purge myself from this existence. Luckily enough, I had a handful of friends who cared enough about me to step up and keep me from doing the unimaginable. I thank God everyday for those few that made their caring known to me (please bear in mind that I am not a religious person in the slightest).
I have also been forced to examine my relationships with a few of my friends, and whether or not I was a true friend or nothing more than a tool to be utilized for their personal gain. I've been forced to come to terms with the fact that I'm unappreciated, and that some of the people you meet are two-faced. I've been pushed into a corner, and had to choose between two friends or be forever trapped in limbo without the hopes of ever rejoining society. Being forced to choose between friends is something that nobody should ever have to deal with, under no circumstances. Unfortunately enough, though, the world seems to think otherwise and often places unlucky people into this horrific situation.
I Pray To God, Let Everything Be Alright.
But optimism is a doozy, isn't it?
Labels: choices, decision, exploitation, friends, Life, relationship, suicide, thinking, wondering
I am currently a graduate student studying education and will update my thoughts and experiences here periodically. Though the content of my blog may not always be the most intellectually stimulating, I believe that there is always a lesson to be learned from my posts, even if it's just a nonsensical story. I find poetry in ordinary life experiences and capture what memories I can through my camera's lens. At the end of the day I'm just another regular guy who needs to write his thoughts somewhere, and I hope you get some enjoyment out of my musings.
All of the best,
BK
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